Janey Godley's Blog

I HAD cause to be in the Western Infirmary's accident and emergency unit in Glasgow recently. A huge fat teenager in his best sports wear (maybe he was in training for the forthcoming Commonwealth Games, in the running-with-a-knife event?) came in behind me. He obviously wasn't getting the immediate attention he deserved, what with his swagger (maybe he had a dislocated hip?) anyway....I disliked him because he sneered at me.

His fist clenched he banged on the counter and demanded that someone look at him. The woman on the reception was busy writing something down and carried on with her work.

He let rip a foul tirade of abuse at the wee woman.  I would like to call her sassy Susan, she was wearing a tall bee hive blonde hair do and that amazing bright pink lip liner that you just know she can do with one hand and no mirror.

She merely bent down and pressed a button under the counter, then she smiled at him and slammed the glass window shut.

Three seconds later, five policemen came out and hustled him to the door.

"My da' is fucking  dying!" he yelled. The cops ignored him "I will you tube tis you bastards"

The cops laughed and said "hey YOU tube....move it".

 I love that in Glasgow we use the word TUBE as an insult....

Just then, the double doors to the exit banged open and there stood an old man with a cigarette hanging from his mouth. He had bare, mottled legs and was wearing a dirty old towelling robe and jangling enough gold bracelets to justify being Glasgow's oldest white rapper.

 "Son," he spoke quietly, "give yer da' a light for his fag and stop annoying the polis."

Might not be pretty representation of Glasgow- but these are my people and this is my Scotland.

There is the other side as well, head to the West End and the nice mung bean cous-cous side of town and meet the folk who like to knit yoga mats....but people despite appearances can all be pains in the ass. Yet am proud of Scotland, you know why?

That irritating closet racist and homophobe and UKIP leader Nigel Farage (weird name for a man who hates all things European) came to Edinburgh recently to rally some troops for his 'party' and was promptly run out of town. Yes an angry mob gave him short shift, they may have been loud, raucous and sweary....but they did it.

The UKIP can maintain their 'we aren't racist' stance but it doesn't wash in Scotland - we have a saying "don't piss on my back and tell me it's raining" and that Mr Farage is what we hate about liars....the fact you assume we don't know you.

So life goes on, am looking forward to June firstly me and Ashley (my comedy daughter) are performing at Rock Ness festival....I can't tell you how much this worries me, am scared of moths, but it will be immense fun.

I still hate camping though and then on June 22nd I will be recording my one woman show at The Comedy Cafe Theatre in Rivington street East London.

I can't wait to do this, as so many people have asked me can they buy recordings of shows and I had none. I had done a few shaky video's of my shows but nothing that could be sold.

Producing and selling without a BIG MAJOR distributor is the way forward for comics and this way, we can support a small indie company AND get my show on CD

So now the awesome people at The Comedy Cafe Theatre are going to get this done. If you want to see it live, check out the gigs list on my website and buy tickets and come along.  

So thanks for reading, if you want follow me on twitter @JaneyGodley for updates.

(Please be aware that this Podcast Contains strong language)

In episode 148 of Janey Godley's podcast the comedy mother and daughter discuss The Oxford rape case, Cardinal O'Brien 'leaving Scotland' and the sexual nature of American Apparel adverts.

They wax lyrical about David Sedaris and Janey rants about people pressing her buzzer. Ashley talks about sexual thoughts regarding William Shatner and Janey gets foamy at the mouth about Ryan Gosling. Some new TV shows get a mention and home style haircuts get debated.

Mother and Daughter comedy team get to natter and the world gets to hear it on Janey Godley’s podcasts, expect some bawdy language and home truths, as Janey Godley and Ashley Storrie lead you down the roads less taken in their fantastic weekly podcast. Listen as mother and daughter banter, bait and burst with laughter.

Janey Godley Podcast at: Episode 148

If you would like to support our podcast then please do so by clicking onto Our Donate Page and donate via PayPal or like us on Facebook

For more information on how you can help Matthew McVarish visit The Road to Change
website

Check out our Brad Pitt Style Perfume Advert

Click Here To see the art of Hannah Stone

Get your copy of Molly Wobbly’s Tit factory, live cast recording: Here.

Check out: The saga of Tim and Freya

You can check out all our videos on: YouTube

Order “Handstands in the Dark” Paper Back or in EBook

Please rate us or leave a comment on: PodOmatic, ITunes

You can find all the info regarding Janey’s live shows by just clicking Gigs!

We hope you enjoy our Podcasts it would be great if you would pass it on, thanks Janey Godley & Ashley Storrie.

(Please be aware that this Podcast Contains strong language)

In episode 147 of Janey Godley's podcast the comedy mum and daughter discuss the Ohio women who were held hostage and their hero Chuck Ramsay. Sylvia Brown the awful psychic gets a verbal booting, Mark Lester gets sperm grilled and the BBC One Show is revealed as racist over the Scottish accent.

This is the week renowned Scottish football manager Sir Alex Ferguson retires and we explain why Matthew McVarish will do a 10,000 miles walk across Europe. We are appalled at Barbara Hewson a UK Barrister who has suggested the age of consent is 13 years old to stop the hunting down of old men who abused them in historic abuse cases.

Mother and Daughter comedy team get to natter and the world gets to hear it on Janey Godley’s podcasts, expect some bawdy language and home truths, as Janey Godley and Ashley Storrie lead you down the roads less taken in their fantastic weekly podcast. Listen as mother and daughter banter, bait and burst with laughter.

Janey Godley Podcast at: Episode 147

If you would like to support our podcast then please do so by clicking onto Our Donate Page and donate via PayPal or like us on Facebook

Check out our New Brad Pitt Style Perfume Advert

Click Here To see the art of Hannah Stone

Get your copy of Molly Wobbly’s Tit factory, live cast recording: Here.

Check out: The saga of Tim and Freya

You can check out all our videos on: YouTube

Order “Handstands in the Dark” Paper Back or in EBook

Please rate us or leave a comment on: PodOmatic, ITunes

You can find all the info regarding Janey’s live shows by just clicking Gigs!

We hope you enjoy our Podcasts it would be great if you would pass it on, thanks Janey Godley & Ashley Storrie.

Seems to be a theme this week of attacking comedians, what with Scottish comic Susan Calman getting bullied for her non- opinion on Independence and Reggie Hunter getting booted for being himself at a corporate gig- the papers raged on with accusations of 'fees to be returned' in Reggie's case and 'Bullying from the Nats' in Susan's case.

Either way it was a bad week for comedy, especially as the Scotsman and various other newspapers emblazoned their headline "death threats for comedian" never since Salman Rushdie have we seen adverse reaction to an art form. Though I still don't know who threatened death to Susan as it hasn't in itself been publicised (maybe due to a police investigation) and can only imagine the horror that it rang- having been threatened online two years ago myself for talking about Old Firm Sectarianism....it's scary stuff.

I took screen shots and reported the website and death threaten-ers to the police and made an official complaint. So what is this special new Scottish force  Police Scotland doing about this onslaught of abuse towards female comics?

In my case they took all the details and assured me to watch out for more abuse, but they basically told me not to be contentious on Twitter....I explained "I am a comedian, I am allowed to make jokes and contentious remarks without being threatened by death" But I was happy I reported it and made sure the cops were aware of the people who being abusive for future reference.

So many politicians came out to support Susan and quite rightly so, but it's just lip service....we want to be protected for our freedom of speech without being threatened by death....what's next a Scolds Bridle for 'cheeky women'?

I would like a Police Scotland and Chief Constable Stephen House to have a full investigation into the death threats given to comedians and am appalled that Susan had to turn to a newspaper to highlight this issue as clearly the cops are so far doing nothing.

Having been a victim of online bullying and name calling, and threats of 'getting my house burnt down' I know how this feels and the police did reassure me they would help me, but by telling me 'not to be contentious' on twitter? what the hell is that about? I will quite happily face criticism and tell me you hate my comedy, explain how much you think am a fat ugly woman...fair play...but to THREATEN ME WITH DEATH? It's not on.

On a side issue I speak about this situation in my recent show, how famous people get the press to highlight their online abuse and how the cops will kick doors in at 6am if some Olympiad is abused, but if you are wee Betty McDade from a housing scheme and someone is threatening you on Facebook....you are on your own. I know this to be true as some of my Facebook followers have testified to such....there shouldn't be a law for one and separate law for others. This isn't Victorian times, where the Middle classes are protected and the lower classes are left to defend themselves. All online abuse should be treated seriously, whether you are an Olympic swimmer, a comedian or someone who is living on benefits trying to use social networking sites.

I want the death threats to stop and the only way they will stop is if we constantly report them, screen shot the tweets and facebook threats and remember there is always a way to trace them. Everything every written on the web can be traced. Stay safe and lets all work together to stop death threats online.

So thanks for reading, if you want follow me on twitter @JaneyGodley for updates.

(Please be aware that this Podcast Contains strong language)

In episode 146 of Janey Godley's podcast the comedy mother and daughter discuss Bill Roache of Coronation Street fame and his alleged rape accusations, the racist furore of Reginald D Hunter at the football dinner and the upsurge of print books.

Janey tells a highly controversial story about abduction in the early 90s in her pub and Ashley explains Shakespeare's Midsummer Night's Dream.  Janey does a Bold Alec version of the famous play. Sectarianism gets debated hotly between the women.

Mother and Daughter comedy team get to natter and the world gets to hear it on Janey Godley’s podcasts, expect some bawdy language and home truths, as Janey Godley and Ashley Storrie lead you down the roads less taken in their fantastic weekly podcast. Listen as mother and daughter banter, bait and burst with laughter.

Janey Godley Podcast at: Episode 146

If you would like to support our podcast then please do so by clicking onto Our Donate Page and donate via PayPal or like us on Facebook

Check out our New Brad Pitt Style Perfume Advert

Click Here To see the art of Hannah Stone

Get your copy of Molly Wobbly’s Tit factory, live cast recording: Here.

Check out: The saga of Tim and Freya

You can check out all our videos on: YouTube

Order “Handstands in the Dark” Paper Back or in EBook

Please rate us or leave a comment on: PodOmatic, ITunes

You can find all the info regarding Janey’s live shows by just clicking Gigs!

We hope you enjoy our Podcasts it would be great if you would pass it on, thanks Janey Godley & Ashley Storrie.

(Please be aware that this Podcast Contains strong language)

In episode 145 of Janey Godley's podcast the comedy mother and daughter discuss the problems with YouTube, fake tans and space stations.

Ashley explains her day of editing the Tim and Freya video she made and Janey talks ghost stories, small penis's and menopausal problems. They both talk about things they hate, Ashley has many and they answer some podcast questions.

Mother and Daughter comedy team get to natter and the world gets to hear it on Janey Godley’s podcasts, expect some bawdy language and home truths, as Janey Godley and Ashley Storrie lead you down the roads less taken in their fantastic weekly podcast. Listen as mother and daughter banter, bait and burst with laughter.

Janey Godley Podcast at: Episode 145

If you would like to support our podcast then please do so by clicking onto Our Donate Page and donate via PayPal or like us on Facebook

Check out our New Brad Pitt Style Perfume Advert

Click Here To see the art of Hannah Stone

Get your copy of Molly Wobbly’s Tit factory, live cast recording: Here.

Check out: The saga of Tim and Freya

You can check out all our videos on: YouTube

Order “Handstands in the Dark” Paper Back or in EBook

Please rate us or leave a comment on: PodOmatic, ITunes

You can find all the info regarding Janey’s live shows by just clicking Gigs!

We hope you enjoy our Podcasts it would be great if you would pass it on, thanks Janey Godley & Ashley Storrie.

(Please be aware that this Podcast Contains strong language)

In episode 144 of Janey Godley's podcast, the comedy mother and daughter duo shoot the breeze in a William Shatner buzz fest. Ashley tells the whole story of her twitter chat with 'The Shatner'.

Janey gives us her view on the Thatcher funeral, the Boston bombings and her husband's latest Asperger’s rant. Ashley starts with a song and we have a celebrity podcast question from Greg McHugh (star of Fresh Meat and Gary Tank Commander).

Mother and Daughter comedy team get to natter and the world gets to hear it on Janey Godley’s podcasts, expect some bawdy language and home truths, as Janey Godley and Ashley Storrie lead you down the roads less taken in their fantastic weekly podcast. Listen as mother and daughter banter, bait and burst with laughter.

Janey Godley Podcast at: Episode 144

If you would like to support our podcast then please do so by clicking onto Our Donate Page and donate via PayPal or like us on Facebook

Check out our New Brad Pitt Style Perfume Advert

Click Here To see the art of Hannah Stone

Get your copy of Molly Wobbly’s Tit factory, live cast recording: Here.

Check out: The saga of Tim and Freya

You can check out all our videos on: YouTube

Order “Handstands in the Dark” Paper Back or in EBook

Please rate us or leave a comment on: PodOmatic, ITunes

You can find all the info regarding Janey’s live shows by just clicking Gigs!

We hope you enjoy our Podcasts it would be great if you would pass it on, thanks Janey Godley & Ashley Storrie.

So there I was finally on a train to London with my happy daughter Ashley. We travel well together, she has tour managed me in Australia and NZ so she knows when to shut up and when to make me tea. We sat in the first class bit of the Virgin train, listening to music and then I checked my twitter feed to find out Thatcher had died and I announce it loudly to the elderly people surrounding us as they don't have twitter and might want to know, plus I like being a death announcer.

"That's Thatcher dead!" I said as everyone stared at me.

An elderly man wearing a cardigan with elbow patched leaned over and said "What age was she?" as if there was a cut off point for all old people. "I don't know" I answered and went back to reading the words 'DING DONG' 'miners' 'witch' 'Pinochet' repeatedly on Twitter. Not for me, I will never celebrate anyone's death, and to be honest if the whole country hated her so much why do we have a Tory in power now?

So me and Ashley finally get into London and headed straight to Groucho club, as we had a meeting and were just desperate to get off the train.

London is my favourite city of all time, I love the mad hustle and bustle. In Soho there are just people screaming into their phones and pushing the homeless to the kerb as they have 'important business', I don't like those people to be honest. The city itself I adore.

Me and Ashley got to spend some quality time with mates, try on each other's make up, flick through someone else's DVD collection and eat someone else's food...awesome stuff.

On the Saturday night after a heap of meetings, parties and a few wee gins, I finally fell into bed at 1am.

I was awakened at 4am with Ashley bursting in my door, I thought the flat was on fire but no it was merely the news that William Shatner (her ALL TIME HERO) had finally tweeted her. Many listeners of our podcast (Janey Godley's Podcast) knew how much Ashley loves the man and have been repeatedly tweeting the Star Man for ages and finally he got in touch. Not only did he get in touch he chatted for ages with her (and me, I always get in on the act) and Ashley had to scream into a cushion as my mate Monica was fast asleep and it would be rude to wake her up at 4am with Shatner news! Can you believe he said he listened to our podcast and LOVED IT!

Suffice to say Ashley got a birthday wish from the great man himself and is still on cloud nine....

So back to Glasgow...but not without a drunk Glaswegian causing that much offence to the surrounding passengers on the train, he was taken off at Wigan by the cops. I had taken video footage and tweeted about him as everyone knows how much I like a good train fight on twitter....anyway upshot is, the cops have the video and shouty stupid man had to catch another train and am now a witness.

Life is ok, am sick to my stomach though as last night my beloved Boston was bombed during a marathon. I love Boston, me and my wee pal Shirley were there last year when I took part in their comedy festival, it was shocking to watch. People are utter bastards to bomb any city...but you know what there are good people in the world and we have to focus on that as well.

Here's hoping there is peace in the world.

So thanks for reading, if you want follow me on twitter @JaneyGodley for updates

(Please be aware that this Podcast Contains strong language)

In episode 143 of Janey Godley's Podcast the Mother and daughter comedy duo bring you a short burst of hilarity from their trip to London, they discuss the death of Margaret Thatcher, Ashley's recent one direction education, mine craft and the Osmond's.

They recount some tales from London as they rush to finish as they head out for a night in Soho, the pair tell of an angry goldfish, a possible Brian May sighting and the best egg Ashley's ever eaten.

Mother and Daughter comedy team get to natter and the world gets to hear it on Janey Godley’s podcasts, expect some bawdy language and home truths, as Janey Godley and Ashley Storrie lead you down the roads less taken in their fantastic weekly podcast. Listen as mother and daughter banter, bait and burst with laughter.

Janey Godley Podcast at: Episode 143

If you would like to support our podcast then please do so by clicking onto Our Donate Page and donate via PayPal or like us on Facebook

Check out our New Brad Pitt Style Perfume Advert

Click Here To see the art of Hannah Stone

Get your copy of Molly Wobbly’s Tit factory, live cast recording: Here.

Check out: The saga of Tim and Freya

You can check out all our videos on: YouTube

Order “Handstands in the Dark” Paper Back or in EBook

Please rate us or leave a comment on: PodOmatic, ITunes

You can find all the info regarding Janey’s live shows by just clicking Gigs!

We hope you enjoy our Podcasts it would be great if you would pass it on, thanks Janey Godley & Ashley Storrie.

(Please be aware that this Podcast Contains strong language)

In episode 142 of Janey Godley's podcast the comedy mother and daughter debate this week's hot topics including Mick Philpot, Kim Jong Un and the North Korean bomb threat.

Ashley talks about her most recent embarrassment concerning a hot young man and Janey talks us through the gay marriage debate. Jeremy Irons, the English actor gets a verbal boot in the kidney's for his stupidity and Ashley sings us some Scottish voiced rap. Ashley explains her love of Netflix.

Mother and Daughter comedy team get to natter and the world gets to hear it on Janey Godley’s podcasts, expect some bawdy language and home truths, as Janey Godley and Ashley Storrie lead you down the roads less taken in their fantastic weekly podcast. Listen as mother and daughter banter, bait and burst with laughter.

Janey Godley Podcast at: Episode 142

If you would like to support our podcast then please do so by clicking onto Our Donate Page and donate via PayPal or like us on Facebook

Check out our new Brad Pitt style perfume advert

Click here to see the art of Hannah Stone

Get your copy of Molly Wobbly’s Tit factory, live cast recording here.

Check out The saga of Tim and Freya

You can check out all our videos on YouTube

Order “Handstands in the Dark” Paper Back or in EBook

Please rate us or leave a comment on PodOmatic, ITunes

You can find all the info regarding Janey’s live shows by just clicking Gigs!

We hope you enjoy our Podcasts it would be great if you would pass it on, thanks Janey Godley & Ashley Storrie.