skribblers

Earn $1500-2500 per month from home. No marketing / No MLM . We are offering a rare Job opportunity where you can earn working from home using your computer and the Internet part-time. Qualifications required are Typing on the Computer only. You can even work from a Cyber Café or your office PC, if so required. These part time jobs require working for only 1-2 hours/day to easily fetch you $1500-2500 per month. Online jobs, Part time jobs. Work at home jobs. Dedicated workers make much more as the earning potential is unlimited. No previous experience is required, full training provided. Anyone in any country can apply. Please Visit http://www.earnparttimejobs.com/index.php?id=4410924

Earn $1500-2500 per month from home. No marketing / No MLM . We are offering a rare Job opportunity where you can earn working from home using your computer and the Internet part-time. Qualifications required are Typing on the Computer only. You can even work from a Cyber Café or your office PC, if so required. These part time jobs require working for only 1-2 hours/day to easily fetch you $1500-2500 per month. Online jobs, Part time jobs. Work at home jobs. Dedicated workers make much more as the earning potential is unlimited. No previous experience is required, full training provided. Anyone in any country can apply. Please Visit http://www.earnparttimejobs.com/index.php?id=4410924

Cdnuolt blveiee taht I cluod aulaclty uesdnatnrd waht I was rdanieg. The phaonmneal pweor of the hmuan mnid, aoccdrnig to a rscheearch at Cmabrigde Uinervtisy, it dseno't mtaetr in waht oerdr the ltretes in a wrod are, the olny iproamtnt tihng is taht the frsit and lsat ltteer be in the rghit pclae. The rset can be a taotl mses and you can sitll raed it whtouit a pboerlm. Tihs is bcuseae the huamn mnid deos not raed ervey lteter by istlef, but the wrod as a wolhe. Azinamg huh?
if you can raed tihs,pseale lkie it.

                                                               ~Alwyn Androvelle~

You Know You Are Living In 2010 When...

1. You accidentally enter your password on the microwave.

2. You haven't played solitaire with real cards in years.

3. You have a list of 15 phone numbers to reach your family of 4.

4. You e-mail the person who works at the desk next to you.

5. Your reason for not staying in touch with friends and family is that
they don't have e-mail addresses.

6. You pull up in your own driveway and use your cell phone to see if anyone is home to help you carry in the groceries.

7. Every commercial on television has a web site at the bottom of the screen.

8. Leaving the house without your cell phone, which you didn't have the
first 20 or 30 (or 60) years of your life, is now a cause for panic and you turn around to go and get it.

10. You get up in the morning and go on line before getting your coffee.

11. You start tilting your head sideways to smile. : )

12. You're reading this and nodding and laughing.

13. Even worse, you know exactly to whom you are going to forward this message.

14. You are too busy to notice there was no #9 on this list.

15. You actually scrolled back up to check that there wasn't a #9 on
this list.

                                                     ~Mwesigwa 'Justcan't Be' Andrew ~

THE SCIENCE OF LIFE

WE WISHED TO BE ALL SORTS OF THINGS  WHILE WE WERE GROWING UP:..surgeons, pilots...blah blah!

ALONG THE WAY, SOME OF US HAVE GROWN TO BE THOSE THINGS AND WHILE SOME OF US ARE STILL GETTING TO BE THOSE THINGS;

MOST OF US DON'T KNOW IF WE COULD EVER BE THOSE THINGS coz LIFE CAN MEAN TO BE A BOWL OF shit SOMETIMES- YOU NEVER EXPECT TO BE HIT BY A TRAIN WHILE WALKING IN A DESERT but WHEN YOU LEAST EXPECT IT...BOOM! it does happen!

LIFE'S FULL OF SURPRISES AND UNLESS YOU ARE LADY GAGA-you'll always get the notch! BUT THE REAL TRUTH OF THE MATTER IS:..LIFE HAS A WAY OF EACH OF EVERYONE US,WHETHER YOU ARE JOE JONAS or even MUAMAR GADDAFI....

IT'S THE THINGS WE DO NOW THAT MAKE US 2O YEARS FROM TODAY AND MAKING RIGHT DECISIONS ISN'T LIKE FALLING IN A BED OF ROSES...

BUT THOUGH WE MIGHT MAKE THE WRONG ONES NOW:-aLL THE RIGHT ONES COME ALONG THE WAY AND IN A UNIQUE WAY,THINGS TURN OUT THE WAY WE WANT THEM TO BE!

WHAT I MEAN IS THAT WE ARE STILL YOUNG,WE'VE GOT BIG CHANCES AROUND EVERY SINGLE CORNER-wE CAN STILL DREAM ABOUT BEING surgeons,pilots,painters....

WE ONLY OUGHT TO BURN OUR CANDLES AT BOTH ENDS...bUT StILL iF THINGS DONT WORK OUT: LIKE EINSTEIN PUT IT....."tHErE'S ALWAYS AN ALTERNATE UNIVERSE!!!!!

                                                        ~Martin Ty ~

In Maths

She wants to stock sugar in her house because of the looming economic meltdown so she figures she will be saving some money if she bought it at Nakumatt, Game or Uchumi at 3,000/= per kg because sugar in Mengo has hit 5,000/- per kg (approximately). She gets a special hire and moves from one supermarket to another to be able to accumulate 6 kgs “anti” the supermarkets are rationing their sugar output. At the end of it all, she pays the special hire man 20,000/- and puts on a very satisfied smile on her face

Breaking it down for her: 5,000 by 6 equals 36,000 and 3,000/- by 6 equals 18,000/- then add 20,000/- and you get a whooping 38,000/- . This one was getting below 10% seriously.

In History

She has been dating a player for the whole year, she gets tired of his crap and dumps him, in comes John; player number two, after six months, her heart is broken again. She can’t seem to understand why relationships are not working out for her. She gives it one last shot with Frank, two months down the road and she’s crying herself to sleep. If only she had attended her history lesson with an alert brain, then she would have known that history repeats itself, difference is; you gotta learn from the past to make a better decision in the future babe! That’s how it works honey.

In CRE

He keeps telling you how immoral you are, how your clothes are skimpy etc, he expects you to wear maxi skirts, cut your hair short, keep it all natural, and quit clubbing. The conclusion is that he never scored above 20% and he’s not been reading his holly book at all coz there is a part that clearly says “Come as you are” be it sober or stoned you’re all welcome so who is he to start giving you dress codes to a party that says anything goes? Probably he skipped all his religious education lessons.

In Chemistry

You take her out on a date or go clubbing, you wanna have fun coz its freaky Friday, all your buddies are there and that special liquid is flowing like manna from heaven. She doesn’t do alcohol so she is chilling on a Bambucha. However her uptight presence is starting to get on your nerves and you suggest a punch for her. She refuses and goes like “mixing drinks is dangerous” come on! This is what happens when you go to the chemistry lab as a tourist Vs as a student. Reality check here; you have been drinking mixed drinks all your life e.g. water plus milk equals tea, water plus quencher equals juice, simple chemistry there; Every bwat that made it past Bunsen burners knows that bambucha plus UG equals happiness.

In Geography

She’s been nagging to visit you for two months now and you’ve run out of excuses so you give her directions to your gwan. Get a taxi to Wandegeya, get out near Barclays Bank, walk towards the Post office, continue towards JB hostel, branch to your right after JB hostel, move through the narrow corridor till you find a lady selling charcoal, ask the charcoal lady where Kalisa’s garage is, when you get there turn left and walk to where the big Jambula tree is, turn right and continue upwards, you will see two houses by the road, the first one is mine. Simple isn’t it? She says yes, she’ll be there in 40. 30 minutes later your katorch is singing “ring ring ani oyo” you pick and it’s a damsel in distress, stuck at JB hostel! It will be a miracle if she ever hit above 32% in geography.

In English

You meet him and say hi, he says “Good morning” what’s so good about the morning you ask yourself, I mean it’s been raining cats and dogs; you’re freezing and shivering like a leaf and to top it all up it’s a Monday. Then you ask him “so what’s up?” he looks at the sky and thinks for a second and this is his thoughtful reply “I can only see clouds” please! Really!

In Economics

Since he religiously follows every word of 50 cent, he believes its either get rich or die trying. Getting rich has completely failed to launch in his life whatsoever, so he figures its better to get a loan from the bank and live the good life. He uses the loan to pay rent for a bungalow and buy a new car. Eh! Seriously people, this dude lacks even the basics of introduction to economics.

                                                                ~Mysty Shla~

PCMCIA

People Can't Memorize Computer Industry Acronyms

ISDN

It Still Does Nothing

APPLE

Arrogance Produces Profit-Losing Entity

SCSI

System Can't See It

DOS

Defective Operating System

BASICBill's Attempt to Seize Industry Control

IBM

I Blame Microsoft

DEC

Do Expect Cuts

CD-ROM

Consumer Device, Rendered Obsolete in Months

OS/2

Obsolete Soon, Too.

WWW

World Wide Wait

MACINTOSH

Most Applications Crash; If Not, The Operating System Hangs

PENTIUM

Produces Erroneous Numbers Through Incorrect Understanding of Mathematics

COBOL

Completely Obsolete Business Oriented Language

AMIGA

A Merely Insignificant Game Addiction

LISP

Lots of Infuriating & Silly Parenthesis

MIPS

Meaningless Indication of Processor Speed

WINDOWS

Will Install Needless Data On Whole System

GIRO

Garbage In Rubbish Out

MICROSOFT

Most Intelligent Customers Realize Our Software Only (for) Fools (&) Teenagers.

                                                         ~Aalan Opio ~

There are gifts of many treasures

For both the young and old,

From the tiniest little trinkets

To great boxes filled with gold.

But, put them all together

And they could not stand in lieu,

Of the greatest gift of all

The gift of knowing you.

When your times are filled with troubles

Sadness, grief, or even doubt,

When all those things you planned on

Just aren't turning out.

Just turn and look behind you

From the place at which you stand,

And look for me through the shadows

And reach out for my hand.

I will lift from you your burden

And cry for you your tears,

Bear the pain of all your sorrows

Though it may be for a thousand years.

For in the end I would be happy

To have helped you start anew,

It's a small price to pay

For the gift of knowing you.

                                            ~ Wyne Adikini~

Disclaimer:- if you’ve ever been diagnosed with “issueology”- stop reading this here!

In the beginning God made man, this fella called Adam was given a whole play station, free food, pets, a big swimming pool; I mean he was living in paradise. Eden was practically like Las Vegas, but even with all that, Adam said he was bored. God being the brains of all brains came up with the perfect solution; break Adam’s ribs with the best joke ever; a woman; her name was Eve, and boy did they have fun.

I know most of you are now thinking of Cineplex or Club Silk; get real this is BC, Adam and Eve just talked and talked and talked like radio and weazy, sometimes it was lame lines from Adam mbu he was the manager and CEO of Eden, other times real great jazz about stuff. Eve had a dope IQ as 99% of chics do (guys if your think I'm wrong, try pulling the “virgin Mary stunt”) anyway as I was saying, the short time she was at Eden, she had analysed everything; Adam was wasting resources big time and she told him so

Adam was slow like most men are (just swallow guys before I starting backing that up with evidence like Samson), the dude just couldn't get it, so Eve broke it down for the hommie, call it a little brain booster, it had occurred to her that the forbidden fruit was the most important resource in the garden, yet it was the one thing Adam ignored the most, he kept telling her that “he had no rights” to which she relentlessly kept reminding him that he was the CEO, he had all the rights.

Adam knew he was nothing but just a junior manager on probation at Eden, so he decided to come clean anti the truth shall set you free, but this one really pissed off Eve (aint life a B*#%h?), she couldn’t believe she was dating a guy on probation; she took a walk alone in the garden to cool off. That’s how she met Mr X (not the guy from Leon Island), a dude who was fired from Eden for trying to overtake the boss. He told her about the company’s classified secret “the forbidden fruit” however, we still haven’t established for a fact whether it was all wolokoso or not.

Eve couldn’t believe what she was hearing, this was the kind of opportunity Adam needed to upgrade, she told Adam all the benefits they stand to gain from the forbidden fruit. Adam was sceptical because to him that felt like double-crossing his boss (true dat), but Eve was a woman on a mission, and she wasn’t going to take NO for an answer.  She employed that powerful tool called tears and guilt tripping, in the end Adam melted, consoled Eve and agreed to taste the forbidden fruit with her.

Just like a bank vault, the tree had silent alarms that these two didn't know about (yeah technology existed before Einstein) where else do you think he got the apple to do his “gravity” experiments in physics? Besides how do you think the whole world was created? Anyway back to our two rebels, the moment they tasted it, the alarms went off, and they got so busted. God called for an emergency meeting ASAP; with no shame Adam showed up wearing his new designer label “the Adam’s suit” Eve on the other hand decided it was time to launch her kimansulo line.

But God had not yet released the red pepper paparazzi from heaven, that’s why you haven’t seen those pictures published anywhere in the holy book. He was like, Adam I thought we had a memorandum of understanding, what happened? Adam was quick to put Eve in the line of fire, she made me do it (inspiration for Chameleon’s “Bayuda tulya nabo”) however, when the spotlight was turned on Eve, she had already planned her backup speech; Mr X is the one who told me to do it. God looked at them for a while playing the blame game, and told them point blank, look here guys I have a whole flood coming soon to deal with, I'm busy going through the blue prints of the ark with this fella called Noah the engineer, I don’t need this! I want you both out of Eden.

                                                  ~Mysty Shla~

African Time + Kwanjula + UAF = Lots of Drama (Part One)

When the weekend sets in, all manner of plots manifest, my weekend was no exception. There was a kwanjula and the AND1 live in K’la. I had the means to access both events, however I later came to realise the Kwanjula invitation was an “attend or attend” kind of thing and that’s how I found myself preparing for an introduction ceremony that was supposed to happen somewhere beyond Mbale town at 2:00pm.

First things first, what was I going to wear when I’m such an anti-Kwanjula? I sat and pondered about my wardrobe predicament, then got up with what I thought was the solution (ransacking the whole room). For all my effort all I could see were...Jeans, jeans, jeans and more jeans oh wait.. bang! A black dress…nah too short, too open. I was officially back to square one with no bright ideas beeming at the back of my mind.

That’s was the beginning of my dilemma. Since I’m not the kind that gives up easily, I got the phone, punched some digits and dialed Janice (not real name). Janice is that girl with a PhD in gracing introduction ceremonies, her experience record would make job seekers jelous. To me, she was plan B; not wasting any second I launched striaght to my new crisis knowing very well she was going to sort me out. Three minutes later, I hang up but with a huge question mark still on my forehead. It was clearly time to snap out of stupidity and activate creativity. I looked at my mother who had been watching me in silent amusement. My plan C was to try on some of her Gomesis’ afterall Gomesis’ are XXL for all sizes who would notice? (That was my thinking) she didn’t object, infact  she even helped me wear one, I stood infront of the dressing mirror and all I could see reflecting back at me was “are you kidding?” in bold letters, if misery was the event theme or dresscode I had nailed it 100%.

The mirrors don’t lie and I don’t kid, so Gomesi was ruled out as an option. A cleaver plan D immediately came to mind, get a wrapper plus a matching big scarf..five minutes later of fumbling here and there, the mirrors were finally in agreement. I was dope enough to attend anything traditional, blue attire, blue shoes and shades for swagg, damn I was smashing or so I thought. 6:30 am Nick (not real name) the driver shows up and I’m ready to hit the road, I step out of the house to get in the car and guess what? A tired looking delivery van UAF had parked outside the gate, its engine still running. My initial thoughts were “probably it had stopped by to drop off stuff at the neighbors” that thought quickly evaporated as the driver opened the door to get in. I looked to the sky as if to ask the almighty “seriously?” the answer was clear, take it or walk there. That’s when it dawned on me that from here onwards,  it was gonna be a ride of threesomes; me, Nick and the photographer at the front, then  the gifts for the mugole and what else needed to be purchased along the way at the back. I decided to keep the shades on for privacy (read hiding) purposes till we got to Iganga where I was damn sure nobody would ever recognize me.

All this while Nick kept referring to our UAF like it was the worst thing that could ever happen to a vehicle on any Ugandan road. I didn’t think much of it, granted it was as old as a pensioner but what the hell, it was still functional. My opinion fell flat with a flat tire at some forsaken trading centre, where all the revelations about our UAF materialized, first; the van had no fuel gauge indicator (one that works) which meant Nick had to be a good guesser to know when fuel is getting low, second; if the engine stopped running, a few able men needed to push it to get it going again.

Time check 12:00 noon, yet our asses had to be in Lwaboba within 2 hours. One look at the mechanic who was fixing the flat tire and it was as clear as the blue sky, that was mission impossible; he was close to 68 years, slow in nature even when talking and he was doing everything manually with rudimentary methods. My sweet self was scotching in the sun making wishes that God was too busy to attend to. 40 minutes later two drunks pushed our UAF for 500/- each and we were back on the road, Nick assured us there wouldn’t be more setbacks like this, for once I didn’t share in his optimism. However, we got to Mbale at 1:00pm with no qualms, had enough time to rest and make sure everything was in check while waiting for the rest of the entourage to show up ….that was dilemma number 2………

To be continued.

                                            ~Mysty Shla~