Funny Jokes Blog Posts

On their first night together, a newlywed couple go to change. The new bride comes out of the bathroom showered and wearing a beautiful robe. The proud husband says, “My dear, we are married now, you can open your robe.” The beautiful you...

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A tall woman met a midget at a party. The midget was barely three feet tall but they were attracted to each other. After a few drinks they went back to the tall woman’s apartment. “I can’t imagine what it will be like making love to...

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The new priest was so nervous at his first mass, he could hardly speak. Before his second appearance in the pulpit he asked the monsignor how he could relax. The Monsignor said, “Next Sunday, it may help if you put some vodka in the water pitcher.

Two deaf people get married. During the first week of marriage, they find that they are unable to communicate in the bedroom when they turn off the lights because they can’t see each other using sign language. After several nights of fumbling a...

Man and a woman had been dating for about a year and their relationship was taking a turn towards getting serious. Man proposed and she accepted, however she told him that she wanted him to know that her chest was just like a baby’s. He said th...

“Your honor,” a defense attorney began, “I have a series of witnesses that can testify that Mr. Johnson was nowhere near the scene of the crime when it occurred.” The judge looked at the defense table and said, “This is...

A lady walks into a BMW dealership. She browses around, spots the Top-of-the-line Beemer and walks over to inspect it. As she bends over to feel the fine leather upholstery, she inadvertently breaks Wind. Very embarrassed, she looks around nervously...

One day while on patrol, a police officer pulled over a car for speeding. He went up to the car and asked the driver to roll down her window. The first thing he noticed, besides the nice red sports car, was how hot the driver was! Blue eyes, blonde,...

A man approached a very beautiful woman in the large supermarket and said, “I’ve lost my wife here in the supermarket.” “Can you talk to me for a couple of minutes?” The woman looked puzzled. “Why talk to me?”...

A fire chief had just gotten married and on his honeymoon he informed his new wife that their house was going to be run like a firehouse… he said that they would have sex on the bell system. He went on to say that one bell meant take your cloth...

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A lawyer married a woman who had previously divorced five husbands. On their wedding night, she told her new husband, “Please be gentle, I’m still a virgin.” “What?” said the puzzled groom. “How can that be if you’ve...

This guy was in a fancy hotel and he really had to pee. He went to the toilets and there was a line for the men’s room. So, he asked a female to see if there was anyone in the ladies room. She responded no, go ahead in there but don’t pre...

A guy goes into a bank. The clerk says “Can I help you, sir” Guy says “Yea u fucking bitch I wanna open a fucking account” Clerk says “Please there’s no need for cussin” Guy says “Yo motherfucka I just wann...

A man had to attend a large convention in Chicago. On this particular trip he decided to bring his wife. When they arrived at their hotel and were shown to their room, the man said: “You rest here while I register – I’ll be back wit...

The year is 2222 and Mike and Maureen land on Mars after accumulating enough frequent flier miles. They meet a Martian couple and are talking about all sorts of things. Mike asks if Mars has a stock-market, if they have laptop computers, how they mak...

1. Do not argue with an idiot. He will drag you down to his level and beat you with experience. 2. I want to die peacefully in my sleep, like my grandfather.. Not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car. 3. I asked God for a bike, but I...